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Well, writing something legendary takes time.
We are not the first to try the staff.
Inspiration has not struck me.
You have something. You wrote something. That is a lot further than I have gotten.
One day you are going to read something old and think you can improve it. That could be the staff, your version, the original or another attempted rewrite.

There is no end to creation.

Re: Operation Hermes by Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat, 07 Mar 2018 13:42

Well, never mind.

Re: Operation Hermes by Yorick1Yorick1, 07 Mar 2018 04:21
Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat 03 Feb 2018 12:32
in discussion General / Per page discussions » Mr. Emperson

You have a nice idea and writing style here.
There are some things in there that may need some correction.

First, logic
If site 12 can be easily recovered why hasn’t it been recovered?
The foundation rarely leaves things they know of unattended.
I don’t know when this takes place, but it ether means the foundation had years to clean up, or the investigation into the failure of the mission is inconclusive after years.
The next thing I would take out is letting the captain that tanked the mission take any roll in the investigation.
Until his roll in this is clear he would most likely not be on active duty, but would most likely be under investigation from Internal Affairs for possible collusion with the foundation (most likely tied to an investigation into how this contradictory intel could come into being and why a mission into a foundation site was executed with such little manpower).
You can ignore all of that if you have a different plan on how this will play out, but as it stands that would be my take on it.

Second, times

2200 hours on the morning

this is 2 hours before midnight.
If you want this to take place in the morning it would be 1000

A man held against the foundation for 2 hours in the open, unlikely.

by Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat, 03 Feb 2018 12:32

As it seems we've outgrown our old style of image block, If someone with administrative privileges could edit the sidebar so that the Image Block collapsible could reflect current site standards, that'd be appreciated.

Chaos Insurgency Admin (PM)

Sidebar Image Blocks by CytotoxicityCytotoxicity, 28 Nov 2017 08:32

How did you even find your way here?
This is my first sandbox under the CI.
All i am doing nowadays is to correct obvious spelling mistakes
and reading it to remember where i came from.
The reason I am here.

But good to see that someone still reads sandboxes.
I will continue to sort out the spelling, but i think this will never go on the main site.
The current approach to new stories would almost surely shut it down in about a week, even if i had fixed all the spelling.

This is like an old comic. The first appearance of someone.
If you hold comics from the 40th to todays standards, they would get completely panned.
I just fix it up in a copy, to not retroactively change my earliest mistakes, while getting a version ready that is readable without the spelling distracting from the plot, point or characters.

Thanks for finding it. Not many ever did.

I definitely want to see all this when it's finished.

Re: Open for quick Feedback by Yorick1Yorick1, 28 Nov 2017 00:04
Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat 19 Nov 2017 21:24
in discussion General / Per page discussions » POI-5

updated to version used during the hat-move that fell to -2

by Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat, 19 Nov 2017 21:24

Updating this page to the version used during the hat-move.

by Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat, 19 Nov 2017 21:19

I can not say for sure, but this could be ready before the end of the month.

Re: Operation Hermes by Yorick1Yorick1, 15 Nov 2017 22:04

One step at a time.

Re: Operation Hermes by Yorick1Yorick1, 13 Nov 2017 00:25

The item itself reminds me of dead space a bit.
Although this original draft most likely per-dates the formula, it could need some of the formulas questions answered.
The origin of the serum are a bit to unclear to me.
The only hint about its origin, might be that the Foundation redacted it.
If we stole it in limited supply it would explain why we freeze it instead as to storing it at room temperature, but than the article speaks of excessive testing, which contradicts that theory of limited supply (the 3 liter mark, is that before or after testing?).

About the part that the end could be strong, you mentioned, the Insurgency having supersoldiers in itself is not a punchline.
I would ether speak of ways of effectively using thous supersoldiers.
Now having multiple additional appendixes might even make for a good tale about living as a freak or the struggle of the guy trying to train thous people.
Alternatively, this could be deployed to great effect in "Operation Blast-fishing".

When i made "Human Serum Re" i did not read-con this article completely.
Thous two might be highly compatible.

I always acted under the impression that this article was once main-site and was removed during one of the greater edits.

The article as is, might profit from a change into the standard item format and some descriptions about what we want to do with it.
But my take on things has been called to complicated in the past, but that is just how i like my CI stuff.
Well explained with a load of potential for misuse.

The serum by Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat, 12 Nov 2017 22:38

Hermes Trismegistus is a historical figure who was known to be a great magician and alchemist. You can see it here.

Their actual existence remains a debate, but they are all in agreement that the fantastic parts of their stories are inspired by the greek god. I put this character for his relationship with alchemy, whose final purpose was to create the Philosopher's Stone, which among its many properties is to change certain materials in gold. The relationship with Egypt is because most of the Greek figures related to the occult received their teachings there, such as Alexander the Great.

What I wanted to do was create a relationship between the nature of the Staff and its name with the myth of Hermes Trismegistus, which at the same time is related to the god Hermes.

Re: Operation Hermes by Yorick1Yorick1, 09 Nov 2017 20:49

Here we go.
You actually pulled it of not to contradict the source material.
Setting these events before the "Absent Without Leave" story in which the insurgency took possession of the item is a good idea to begin with.
You gave Hermes a second name. As far as i know, goods don't have a second name.
I would also hesitate to connect Hermes to Egypt, as they have there own god of knowledge.
Both of this could be solved by just calling the guy who first had the staff a prophet.
Since the god Hermes would not have given his staff away like that, this could be like a human Prometheus.
Stealing from a god to bring it to the humans.

Re: Operation Hermes by Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat, 09 Nov 2017 20:23

Well, here is my initial idea of ​​the background story for the article.

Operation Hermes by Yorick1Yorick1, 09 Nov 2017 16:00

Instead of saying quickly why not give some example times?
the "has found its place in the arsenal" thing is inaccurate, i think (you might look at this, usage may change).

every team member must display competence in the usage of the item. Any team that brings the item out into the field must have the ability to properly contain the produced mass

As the inventor of the Zeta Cell concept i have my problems with this.
I give you something to think about.

You also might want to address what happens to the water of the bio-matter.
Methane and carbon-dioxide percentages line up for this conversion.
The thing would convert water into methane, which is an endothermic reaction, meaning that that requires energy, but the mass heats up?
Also with a this great water to methane conversion why put it in the field at all? Buy water, sell methane. This stuff can make a lot of people rich if used right.

by Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat, 17 Oct 2017 06:20
JaredJFlemingJaredJFleming 16 Oct 2017 09:32
in discussion General / Per page discussions » Jared's Sandbox

Back to the item, what do you think can be changed or improved about it?

by JaredJFlemingJaredJFleming, 16 Oct 2017 09:32

Not bad at all.

There is a slit chance that you know about the work of Dr. Kandregon or the sugar cube which just makes the story better for me.

I could be completely wrong on that thought thou. Sugar Cube was never made canon and is really hard to find.
Anyway, it fits this story to the letter, even if that was not an electric cable at the end (of the needle).

by Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat, 15 Oct 2017 12:06

We just light the fire, what happens next is not our concern.
Worst case, end of the world, that means if we wait a bit we would have the whole planet and every anomaly we might want.

Than again, someone could find a way to get the stuff in line, making it viable as a controlled weapon.

Second to worst, there antidote might be to effective, making the anomaly non large scale viable.
Still, as long as we can mail it a good biological weapon.

We win in every scenario.
(something something food-price speculation)

by Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat, 10 Sep 2017 23:09
JaredJFlemingJaredJFleming 10 Sep 2017 12:17
in discussion General / Per page discussions » Jared's Sandbox

True, but is wiping out all the fauna and flora really worth that? If it got out of control, it could wipe out continents.

by JaredJFlemingJaredJFleming, 10 Sep 2017 12:17

First off, congrats on being back in the sandbox.

That tale you and Cad are writing right now confused me a little bit.
Did we send multiple agents including a helicopter and the manifestation of a natural disaster to kill one old Foundation member? (This could have been a one man chlorine gas mission.)
(To be honest, when I read the history tag and the story for the first time I thought we had murdered the entire church for no reason other than chaos.)

This also dose not align with the usage paragraph of the Ward. Assassination is not mentioned in there.
Cad might want to add that.

I am also not sure about the meaning of the cursive text.

Also you have a gab of 15 minutes in there, (the "15 minutes, 30 minutes" thing in the laps at the end, before the two knocks) which are unaccounted for.
It looks like ether a half-sentence is missing or someone changed his mind mid sentence.

If I sound to concentrated on details, that is because I am invested. My way of critiquing a piece has been meet with some "distaste" in the past. If I should refrain from following and commenting on this project please let me know.

Did i get that? by Meta WonderratMeta Wonderrat, 09 Sep 2017 20:54
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