Huge is not Ok, find the specifications of the R-36M2 ICBM and put them in
Living: |
YEAH! |
Sentient: |
YES |
…
Potential / Current Hazards |
Macho-Hazard |
I don't like the unprofessionalism of this, I understand the missile is supposed to be overkill, but why are the researchers (unless there is some hidden mind shenaniganry going on)
all staff involved must have a rate of testosterone of 1000 ng/dL
who uses nanograms per deciliter? standardize to base units in the denominator please
When the object is used for testing the area must be cleaned by ALPHA personnel with flamethrowers or the Scorned Angel equipped with one 'Archangel' pyrotechnics suit
ALPHA's are the evil masterminds behind the insurgency, I don't think they should handle menial tasks. If this is supposed to sound important I would designate them to GAMMA's otherwise just assign them to DELTA's. This is also a blatant misuse of the scorned angel and I don't like it at all.
during a heavy metal guitar solo performed with the Disharmonious Guitar by a Heavy ASSAULT Field Operator
I know I suggested that but I mean I didn't mean to put it in the final draft. It's just silly and dangerous.
Any attempts to perform testing prior to cleaning or attempting cleaning without meeting the aforementioned requirements is to be met with immediate castration to all involved personnel. Said castrated personnel are then to be immediately sent to Base: Six for public humiliation and shaming of their non-manliness.
another facepalm moment, I think if you wanna keep stuff like this there had better be a really good explanation for it, and I mean really good.
Reported Anomaly: |
Extreme Manliness |
no me gusta. It just restates macho hazard, this is a perfect spot to explain the macho hazard. And do more than just 'extreme manliness'.
As of Incident 486943, all personnel are to be equipped with one pair of protective goggles to shield their eyes from its rippling muscles
good … yes … uh huh. I think this part is- wait, rippling muscles? I would say the Macho-hazard (assuming that you go through and explain what that is of course)
Item's Facility must have at least 30 liters of beer available at all times, for the filling of the Macho-Beer-Tank.
I'm almost scared to ask, what's the macho beer tank. (explain it)
Testing has proven these arms capable of lifting up to thirty million tonnes.
that… is … wow. [insert humbling anecdote here], but seriously I think you might wanna scale back just a teensy bit.
In recent tests, the muscles have proven so amazingly large that the sight of them has rendered male test subjects (as well as some male personnel) blind and/or female, while female test subjects immediately [REDACTED].
don't say its the size, maybe relate it back to the concept of the macho-hazard
The item was created by the ShADES's Awesome-Tech-Wing under the purpose of create a powerful missile that would run with an alternative fuel without being less useful than an ICBM missile.
love the premise, not the facility name, change it please.