My Crate of Dirt
rating: 0+x
Item: Matchmaker
Size: 19.28 meters in height. Wheel radius is 8.12 m
Location: Containment Facility-214
Reported Anomaly: Generator
The Ferris Wheel upon discovery at ██████, ██████████.


Attention: Usage has temporarily been halted. See section below.

The cart's interior has proven resistant to video surveillance, and recording devices stored inside disappear after operation. Occupants are given audio recorders with a link to IRUC control before boarding.


The item is a Ferris wheel of standard design. It has silver spokes and cherry pink carts. It was found as a carnival attraction operating in the ███████ Carnival in ██████, ██████████. The amusement park has since been bought by an Insurgency front and has been relocated to an open field within Zone-4 of Base Ninety-Nine.

The following conditions are known to activate the Object's primary anomaly:

  • Only one of the forty carts are to be occupied, and the Occupant must be alone. This is the only condition that must be primarily satisfied. All other conditions provide a statistically better chance of the phenomenon in the object to happen
  • Music of the romantic variety to be audible within the interior of the cart occupied.
  • Sunny skies
  • Clear weather
  • Light rain or drizzle
  • Presence of bouquets, candies and chocolates, balloons, or any romantic paraphernalia within a 20m radius
  • Presence of menstruating women
  • Confetti, bubbles, rose petals, etc. in the wind

Object's anomaly manifests as soon as the Occupant boards a cart alone and the ferris wheel is activated. The Occupant will immediately enter a deep sleep1 until approximately forty seconds after the ferris wheel is operated, usually around the time when the boarded cart is at the highest point of the ride, where it will abruptly stop.

Upon waking up, the occupant will find another human being seated beside them ("the Companion"). This subject will invariably embody the occupant's desires in a mate or partner, and the two will rapidly develop an affectionate relationship, often consummating their love while within the cart.

If the Occupant has a pre-existing relationship when the Companion manifests, the latter will show signs of anxiety and be markedly less persuasive to the Occupant.

There have been cases where the Companion and the Occupant do not enter a relationship at all. Abandoned or untaken companions vanish after twelve hours, leaving no trace behind. Multiple entries to the ride all see different manifestation of the Companion, but it is unclear whether it is the same consciousness inhabiting each instance.

Additionally, Occupants rarely report seeing or hearing previous companions while inside the cart. There have been cases where scorned companions attempt to kill themselves, to varying degrees of success. Personnel are not to attempt rescue on dead or dying subjects.

To see a list of experiments conducted, consult matchmaker-expanded-test-log.

Appendix (Test)

Excerpt 1:

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